Today

I realized I lost so many people in my life or people whom I regretted being closer to. I know I brought it upon myself and as much as it aches me, I should move on. I'm trying.

Maybe what they say is true, if you don't love yourself, who will?

I noticed

Just because I don't say it out, doesn't means that I don't care.

I noticed. I noticed the smallest details. I noticed things like when you banged the table in disbelief because I was sitting next to you during the examinations hall as if you couldn't believe your luck. I noticed when I arrive, the flowing conversations between you guys just stopped and you guys laughed abruptly. I noticed times when you poke fun of the only person who bothered grouping with me during projects and embarrassing him. I noticed when you yelled fuck you when you realized I'm sitting next to you during examinations hall. I noticed when the whole situation turned awkward when I tried joining in. When you guys expression just change and remarks became... Stingy.

I don't know what else to say but to just say that... I noticed

Engineering

I had always find comfort in studying - I know it sounds weird and barely believable because during my earlier teenage years, that was probably the last thing I ever feel peaceful about. I guess it is comforting that while the world is always changing, it is good to sometimes close the doors, the windows and live in your world while you understand theories that you know you can trust.

I guess engineering has comforted me in a lot of ways - I'm amazed at how much I enjoyed it even though year 1 for me was a tragic year for my acceptance towards engineering... and my grades. But its just so assuring that x will always be equivalent to something that newton laws doesn't change. That formulas will remain the same and there is always a definite answer to all engineering problems (or basically the stuffs I studied)

I guess I outdid myself as a student to be honest and I kind of prove to myself that diligence and acceptance can change things positively, like my grades hahaha. I never regretted taking engineering because I realized that everything happens for a reason. I became more determined, diligent and truly understanding this quote 'You fight for what you want.' I did. I fought and now I'm almost there.

I just think that the stress now is inevitable and cannot be eliminated and I'm going out of control. ;) So much for today's paper, PMP you totally trashed me down. :'(

Past

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you learn to appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself...and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

Happy Valentines Day

Roses from dad... Just so I won't be the only girl tonight without them. :')

Had a really good valentines day. 

Happy (belated) Valentines day to all.

Remember, love conquers all.

Amor Vincit Omnia

I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling so much. I'm engulfed with apprehension of the unknown till today. My past vulnerability was at its best and you used it to your advantage, you know I'll do anything for you. You know I even crossed the toe out of line for you way too many times. You knew.

But you treated me like dirt. You treated me like I wasn't good enough and till today I struggle to convince myself in front of the mirror, telling that reflection that I'm good enough. You made me broken. You made me scared, ashamed of myself. And whatever was left of me got treaded, ransacked and jaded continuously. I guess you could say I didn't get my heart broken this time because how is it any possible for your heart to be broken when it was never a whole to start with?

Then you, you and you have to keep playing me on. Have to make me push my limits beyond boundaries and to the brink of exhaustion and nervous breakdown. But I keep believing in this quote, Amor Vincit Omnia. I guess till today, I probably be convincing myself that it exists and maybe someday it is going to happen to me. 


God why am I so fricking naive?

Time to move on

I know I'm awesome. OKAYYYY HAHAHA.

Before anybody else jumped into conclusion, me and Eugene are just good friends. Couldn't have a better time talking to anybody else. It is awesome knowing that he is always forever on at whatsapp and always entertaining me. I'm just glad that despite how my life has turned out, I still get to meet awesome people. I think that is what make me having my faith in humanity restored again. Note the 9gag pun. (Hehe)

I know you couldn't probably tell much from the SS I take since i biasedly put those that made me looked  good. Hahaha but please ah people dont't jump into conclusion.

The amount of shoes my family has is frightening knowing that there are only 5 pairs of legs at home. But to surprise you guys more, one shelf of shoes belong to my mum's. True story.

My mother probably have the same shoes in different colours and my mum is just mad  about shoes. Recently she is so into birkenstock and recently added a few to her collection. Also, couldn't missed a chance to smack down evidence of my narcissm on this blog

My default faces for this few weeks. Reports are piling up and for the first time ever, I had so much trouble with them. Writing was never a problem with me till I  met Wind Energy System, it is a report I don't even know I was rambling on and just.. literally crapped. I put in so much effort and usually by then I know where I stand or what kind of grade I could get, but this is just the kind of report that I am clueless of what I'm going to receive back.

Mundane days like this are slaughtering whatever is left of my remaining optimistism (if there is such a word) Still few more weeks till the end of the tertiary education, looking back I have so much regrets and mostly is because I lost so much people I love. I hate that things would never be well again and people whom I was once so close are just now... people doing projects with me. Sucks but I guess that's life.

I learned so much this few weeks and I hope that all the bad things that had happened to me had at least taught me important lessons too. I missed my old life but I guess it is time to move on. :>