Living or dying

It depends on how you see it. As every second passes, we are still inhaling oxygen, our hearts beating. I guess you can say we are living. But as every second passes, we are a second closer to death, our heartbeats getting numbered. We are also dying.

I guess the huge slap was when I was secondary 3, I was bottom 2 in class with miserable grades and everything. I woke up, strive my damnest best to do well for the big Os but well, consider all the time I have and my pathetic brains.. I did alright. Then now I am 18 (though I never feel like it), I'd seen people who are so much uglier than they look. How superficiality overwrites everything, how on the surface when I thought they are so pretty to cause heads turn and how happy they are with their life when they throw back their heads and laugh. It is not really a facade, you just need to look closer. Ugly souls are the worst.

In the midst of it, I became just like them as disgusting as it sounds. Suddenly so paranoid of my looks which is prolly something that you can never change and learn to embrace, insecured, vain, vexed. But right now, I know what I should be aiming for.

1. Strive my damnest hardest to shine. To succeed in careers or studies fair and square.

2. Channel all whatever I had to doing something good for mankind (I still don't know what though)

3. Returning home to someone who is worth it at the end of a tiring work day

4. To not hurt anybody if I can avoid it

Okay, I know I'm starting to sound like I'd been baptised or something like that but I guess its a start to being a better person. I hate how disgusting I can be sometimes.