Move Along

Hands are shaking cold, your hands are mine to hold.

Dear Diary

I had been reading on this book call "The Answer" which basically is the law of attraction and how this theoretical belief law can help you materialise your goals. I had heard of it but I was never fully convinced. But i guess its time to give it a shot because I realise how negative a person I am and how it always bothers me and never allow me to really be happy.

So I'm just going to do part of the exercise and appreciate what I do have now. I am happy now because

I'm overseas. I'm not just out of Singapore but I'm out of Asia. And I had been to places that only seems to exist in books and movies. I had been to London, to United Kingdom. I had taken their tube, public transport, lived with a bunch of friends in a relatively awesome accommodation.

I'd made new friends. I made new friends all over the world, Indonesia, Taiwan, Hongkong, Pakistan, England, Scotland, Poland and the list goes on. I love how I'm always laughing and how the culture shock was surprisingly a good one. I know that if I'm back to Singapore, they are probably the people I'll miss being with in Scotland.

I had finally experienced clubbing the way it supposed to be. I had people who like me for me and I have no difficulties being who I am over here.

I'm happy because I had made myself vulnerable in front of someone and it was vice versa. I appreciate the honesty, truth and the admiration.

I'm happy because I had finally figure out what I want do with education and that I will not do it the mainstream way whereby getting a slot in a local university and work myself to death. I'm happy because I finally know what I want to do and how I am going ahead to do it regardless of the odds even if it means I have to take A levels.

I'm happy because I have a perfect family.My parents marriage are healthy till today and we are all happy and a satisfied family at the end of the day regardless what problems we face. Despite my upbringing was different from people, it was for the best and for my best interests and I acknowledged that. For that I;m happy.

& I'm happy because I had finally blogged hahaha.

Today

I realized I lost so many people in my life or people whom I regretted being closer to. I know I brought it upon myself and as much as it aches me, I should move on. I'm trying.

Maybe what they say is true, if you don't love yourself, who will?

I noticed

Just because I don't say it out, doesn't means that I don't care.

I noticed. I noticed the smallest details. I noticed things like when you banged the table in disbelief because I was sitting next to you during the examinations hall as if you couldn't believe your luck. I noticed when I arrive, the flowing conversations between you guys just stopped and you guys laughed abruptly. I noticed times when you poke fun of the only person who bothered grouping with me during projects and embarrassing him. I noticed when you yelled fuck you when you realized I'm sitting next to you during examinations hall. I noticed when the whole situation turned awkward when I tried joining in. When you guys expression just change and remarks became... Stingy.

I don't know what else to say but to just say that... I noticed

Engineering

I had always find comfort in studying - I know it sounds weird and barely believable because during my earlier teenage years, that was probably the last thing I ever feel peaceful about. I guess it is comforting that while the world is always changing, it is good to sometimes close the doors, the windows and live in your world while you understand theories that you know you can trust.

I guess engineering has comforted me in a lot of ways - I'm amazed at how much I enjoyed it even though year 1 for me was a tragic year for my acceptance towards engineering... and my grades. But its just so assuring that x will always be equivalent to something that newton laws doesn't change. That formulas will remain the same and there is always a definite answer to all engineering problems (or basically the stuffs I studied)

I guess I outdid myself as a student to be honest and I kind of prove to myself that diligence and acceptance can change things positively, like my grades hahaha. I never regretted taking engineering because I realized that everything happens for a reason. I became more determined, diligent and truly understanding this quote 'You fight for what you want.' I did. I fought and now I'm almost there.

I just think that the stress now is inevitable and cannot be eliminated and I'm going out of control. ;) So much for today's paper, PMP you totally trashed me down. :'(

Past

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you learn to appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself...and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

Happy Valentines Day

Roses from dad... Just so I won't be the only girl tonight without them. :')

Had a really good valentines day. 

Happy (belated) Valentines day to all.

Remember, love conquers all.

Amor Vincit Omnia

I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling so much. I'm engulfed with apprehension of the unknown till today. My past vulnerability was at its best and you used it to your advantage, you know I'll do anything for you. You know I even crossed the toe out of line for you way too many times. You knew.

But you treated me like dirt. You treated me like I wasn't good enough and till today I struggle to convince myself in front of the mirror, telling that reflection that I'm good enough. You made me broken. You made me scared, ashamed of myself. And whatever was left of me got treaded, ransacked and jaded continuously. I guess you could say I didn't get my heart broken this time because how is it any possible for your heart to be broken when it was never a whole to start with?

Then you, you and you have to keep playing me on. Have to make me push my limits beyond boundaries and to the brink of exhaustion and nervous breakdown. But I keep believing in this quote, Amor Vincit Omnia. I guess till today, I probably be convincing myself that it exists and maybe someday it is going to happen to me. 


God why am I so fricking naive?

Time to move on

I know I'm awesome. OKAYYYY HAHAHA.

Before anybody else jumped into conclusion, me and Eugene are just good friends. Couldn't have a better time talking to anybody else. It is awesome knowing that he is always forever on at whatsapp and always entertaining me. I'm just glad that despite how my life has turned out, I still get to meet awesome people. I think that is what make me having my faith in humanity restored again. Note the 9gag pun. (Hehe)

I know you couldn't probably tell much from the SS I take since i biasedly put those that made me looked  good. Hahaha but please ah people dont't jump into conclusion.

The amount of shoes my family has is frightening knowing that there are only 5 pairs of legs at home. But to surprise you guys more, one shelf of shoes belong to my mum's. True story.

My mother probably have the same shoes in different colours and my mum is just mad  about shoes. Recently she is so into birkenstock and recently added a few to her collection. Also, couldn't missed a chance to smack down evidence of my narcissm on this blog

My default faces for this few weeks. Reports are piling up and for the first time ever, I had so much trouble with them. Writing was never a problem with me till I  met Wind Energy System, it is a report I don't even know I was rambling on and just.. literally crapped. I put in so much effort and usually by then I know where I stand or what kind of grade I could get, but this is just the kind of report that I am clueless of what I'm going to receive back.

Mundane days like this are slaughtering whatever is left of my remaining optimistism (if there is such a word) Still few more weeks till the end of the tertiary education, looking back I have so much regrets and mostly is because I lost so much people I love. I hate that things would never be well again and people whom I was once so close are just now... people doing projects with me. Sucks but I guess that's life.

I learned so much this few weeks and I hope that all the bad things that had happened to me had at least taught me important lessons too. I missed my old life but I guess it is time to move on. :>

Guess

Have a quick guess and guess where had I been during in the midst of busy Chinese New Year?

Answer: Heaven.

Busy

Pictures showed comfort food that has been accompanying me for this stressful and prolly... most depressing period of my life. But none of my pessimistic rants today of course. A typical breakfast with the Khoo family which usually consist Daddy and the irritating brother who hacked into my facebook and proclaimed himself as the best brother of all times.

Oh yeah, I'm a fan of photography. Forever. Got to love instagram, hands down best app ever.

I should seriously get an award for controlling the shit around me and actually maneuvering around everything and still remain focused. One should never be miserable over things that has happened and keep his/her head facing the future. I guess. Or that was what I have been applying to my life. Schoolwork has been piling up and right now I have 6 reports on my hand this week (SAY WHAT) and I'm going to complete them after this blog posts. Like now.

Planner

Been busy being a busy girl. :/

Surprise

2012 has been a surprise year. Yesterday but who knows, rico came to my doorstep at 3am to have a heart to heart talk. It was.. just surprise and oddly nice. I mean, how freaking often can you do that with an ex boyfriend who is now a really good friend? I'm glad that we had that long long long talk even if it did make me cranky the next few hours for school.  :>

January has been full of surprises but relatively good to me. Just one more semester exams to go and fyp report done, i'll be bidding my tertiary education in Singapore Polytechnic farewell. What does life holds after that? I don't know to be honest but I'm going to go with the flow and hope for the best.

Genting

Can you spot the rainbow? :>

(taken by iPhone)

25th December was absolutely one of the most beautiful days of my life. :>

Thank you for giving me the best Xmas present, 2011.

First day of 2012

Watched Sherlock Holmes 2 @ vivo and while walking out of the cinema, we did a hasty countdown at the stairway (followed by fireworks gg boom boom boom!) and then, I went home. Gotta be the least exciting celebration but company was worth it.

Next day was lunch @Ikea with the best cake and meatballs. And later back to watching my favourite anime, naruto! Followed by How I met your mother and dinner by Mcdelivery. Prolly one of the quieter and relaxing days with no drama, excitement and just pure laziness and enjoyment.

In the midst of fyp, I reckon it would do me and my mental being good. So have a great new year folks and start doing your new year resolutions to start a brand new year!




 

To be a better person

I don't think I had ever been this contented and happy for a really really long time. Thank you for making everything easier and better to deal with. I'm so glad that I always have someone to turn to and thank you for making me smile all this while.

Luv
V

Because you still matter

Because I hate the way you see no one else's pain but yours.

How you make such a dramatic scene out of your pain and smearing it on others faces and expecting something from it? How could you blame people for the pain you deserved? You didn't do anything to lessen your pain when you could. Deciding to live with that pain was your decision to make and not anyone elses.

Your insecurities live within you and they grow not because people keep getting better but because you couldn't even have the self-esteem or maturity to want to grow out of it. To want to be someone better. You bring people down because it makes you feel better and that's just... sickening. I hate that despite all this you still haunt me, haunt my conscience. Because I blame myself for not sorting you right, for not teaching you enough to be strong or at least stronger than what you are.

Happiest time of 2011

Going to school has been miserable for me every single day for like the last few months, striving through school with people who were once close to me but now so distant. I know I'm at fault and that I deserve it just as much. I didn't just lose one but a whole. Oh well, #hatesmyself. But I'm glad because at the end of a day everyday, I got somewhere to go to. Where I fit in so perfectly and spending time with that special person makes me feel that I might just have some worth in me. I didn't have to pretend, pretend that I'm oblivious to the surroundings and that I'm just a loner. (sigh)

These pictures depict the best times of my life and as much as I try to ignore it because it always remind of what I can never get back to. But I'm not going to do that anymore because those are beautiful memories that I want to captivate in pictures and videos and show it to my grandchildren. Hell, I would definitely want to do that.

Just makes me sad that all I have to my poly life would just be memories and hardly anybody would ever contact me. I hate myself for all this mistakes.