Move Along

Hands are shaking cold, your hands are mine to hold.

Dear Diary

I had been reading on this book call "The Answer" which basically is the law of attraction and how this theoretical belief law can help you materialise your goals. I had heard of it but I was never fully convinced. But i guess its time to give it a shot because I realise how negative a person I am and how it always bothers me and never allow me to really be happy.

So I'm just going to do part of the exercise and appreciate what I do have now. I am happy now because

I'm overseas. I'm not just out of Singapore but I'm out of Asia. And I had been to places that only seems to exist in books and movies. I had been to London, to United Kingdom. I had taken their tube, public transport, lived with a bunch of friends in a relatively awesome accommodation.

I'd made new friends. I made new friends all over the world, Indonesia, Taiwan, Hongkong, Pakistan, England, Scotland, Poland and the list goes on. I love how I'm always laughing and how the culture shock was surprisingly a good one. I know that if I'm back to Singapore, they are probably the people I'll miss being with in Scotland.

I had finally experienced clubbing the way it supposed to be. I had people who like me for me and I have no difficulties being who I am over here.

I'm happy because I had made myself vulnerable in front of someone and it was vice versa. I appreciate the honesty, truth and the admiration.

I'm happy because I had finally figure out what I want do with education and that I will not do it the mainstream way whereby getting a slot in a local university and work myself to death. I'm happy because I finally know what I want to do and how I am going ahead to do it regardless of the odds even if it means I have to take A levels.

I'm happy because I have a perfect family.My parents marriage are healthy till today and we are all happy and a satisfied family at the end of the day regardless what problems we face. Despite my upbringing was different from people, it was for the best and for my best interests and I acknowledged that. For that I;m happy.

& I'm happy because I had finally blogged hahaha.

Today

I realized I lost so many people in my life or people whom I regretted being closer to. I know I brought it upon myself and as much as it aches me, I should move on. I'm trying.

Maybe what they say is true, if you don't love yourself, who will?

I noticed

Just because I don't say it out, doesn't means that I don't care.

I noticed. I noticed the smallest details. I noticed things like when you banged the table in disbelief because I was sitting next to you during the examinations hall as if you couldn't believe your luck. I noticed when I arrive, the flowing conversations between you guys just stopped and you guys laughed abruptly. I noticed times when you poke fun of the only person who bothered grouping with me during projects and embarrassing him. I noticed when you yelled fuck you when you realized I'm sitting next to you during examinations hall. I noticed when the whole situation turned awkward when I tried joining in. When you guys expression just change and remarks became... Stingy.

I don't know what else to say but to just say that... I noticed

Engineering

I had always find comfort in studying - I know it sounds weird and barely believable because during my earlier teenage years, that was probably the last thing I ever feel peaceful about. I guess it is comforting that while the world is always changing, it is good to sometimes close the doors, the windows and live in your world while you understand theories that you know you can trust.

I guess engineering has comforted me in a lot of ways - I'm amazed at how much I enjoyed it even though year 1 for me was a tragic year for my acceptance towards engineering... and my grades. But its just so assuring that x will always be equivalent to something that newton laws doesn't change. That formulas will remain the same and there is always a definite answer to all engineering problems (or basically the stuffs I studied)

I guess I outdid myself as a student to be honest and I kind of prove to myself that diligence and acceptance can change things positively, like my grades hahaha. I never regretted taking engineering because I realized that everything happens for a reason. I became more determined, diligent and truly understanding this quote 'You fight for what you want.' I did. I fought and now I'm almost there.

I just think that the stress now is inevitable and cannot be eliminated and I'm going out of control. ;) So much for today's paper, PMP you totally trashed me down. :'(

Past

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you learn to appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself...and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

Happy Valentines Day

Roses from dad... Just so I won't be the only girl tonight without them. :')

Had a really good valentines day. 

Happy (belated) Valentines day to all.

Remember, love conquers all.